hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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