i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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