Got a toothbrush?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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