If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
