weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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