I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
