at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
