The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
