don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
