he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
