i need an iv and a liver transplant
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize