Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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