Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
