he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
