so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
