My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize