I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
