So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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