people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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