Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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