it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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