dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
