On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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