I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
do herpes really smell.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
ok first of all what the fuck
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