I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
