but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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