i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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