I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
