You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
