I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
