wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
