So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
