Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
