I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
a search helicopter?!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
