P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
