p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize