i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
