dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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