Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
