My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
