I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize