She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
