I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
