I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
