I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
