We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
