took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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