i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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