i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
