I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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