WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
