Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
