It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
