How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
