Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
