SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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