I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
