You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize