I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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