I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Mom said you looked used
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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