ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
