I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think I died a long time ago.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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