Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
