If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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