I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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