Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dignity is for republicans.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
