So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
