Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
