I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
