No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
