I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize