My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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