Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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