Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
