I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
