I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
