We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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