One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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