guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize