M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
