I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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