this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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