That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
