and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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