thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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