She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I didn't notice because vodka
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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