he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
