Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
