he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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