he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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