sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
