did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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