I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She bit a glass in half.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
