please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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