You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
