He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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