woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
